The kayaking class system  - with thanks to ChrisS, from a post on the Community Forum.

(And apologies to the original scriptwriters, Marty Feldman and John Law)

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Feathercraft Khatsalano owner:
I look down on him because I am upper-class.

Composite boat owner:
I look up to him because he is upper-class; but I look down on him because he is lower-class. I am middle-class.

Plastic boat owner:
I know my place. I look up to them both. But I don't look up to him as much as I look up to him, because he has got innate breeding.

Feathercraft Khatsalano owner:
I have got innate breeding, but I have not got any money [after buying this boat]. So sometimes I look up to him.

Composite boat owner:
I still look up to him because although I have money, I am vulgar. But I am not as vulgar as him so I still look down on him.

Plastic boat owner:
I know my place. I look up to them both; but while I am poor, I am honest, industrious and trustworthy. Had I the inclination, I could look down on them. But I don't.

Composite boat owner:
We all know our place, but what do we get out of it?

Feathercraft Khatsalano owner:
I get a feeling of superiority over them.

Composite boat owner:
I get a feeling of inferiority from him, but a feeling of superiority over him.

Plastic boat owner:
I get a pain in the back of my neck.